


Dead Man Walking

by Eccho_Valkyria



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Again, Comedy, Gen, Humor, but he means well, fen'an has bad ideas, give this child a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 12:54:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11208498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eccho_Valkyria/pseuds/Eccho_Valkyria
Summary: Fen'an brings home a dead body from Crestwood, which turns out not as dead as thought. Now the Inquisitor and his sister has to find the walking corpse before anyone notices.





	Dead Man Walking

**Author's Note:**

> Another OS about Fen'an Lavellan and his catastrophic life at Skyhold.
> 
> Check out my blog https://thiswasnotscripted.tumblr.com/ to find more about Fen'an and Lavi and as always: Have fun!

„You know I love you, Fen. And I really don't want to butt into your business“, Lavi said and side eyed her brother, who was riding next to her. „But why exactly are we bringing a corpse back to Skyhold?“

 

The dead body that lay behind him on the back of his horse smelled worse than Bull after a few bathless days, and Lavi feared that she would never get the smell out of her nose again. It was the smell of rotten wood and death that was significant for Crestwood. She buried her face deeper into the scarf around her neck.

 

„Well, I was told to collect research material“, Fen'an replied and reached behind him to cover up the corpse properly. „And Dagna seemed interested in how these guys still manage to walk around so I thought I get her one to examine so she will leave me alone.“

 

The Inquisitor liked the dwarfen girl, but he also liked silence and peace and that was everything that Dagna wasn't. It wasn't that he wasn't interested in her studies and experiments that too often ended in fire and destruction; he himself was a pyromaniac after all; but at times she was just too much for the elf.

 

„Right...“, Lavi scoffed. „Bring that girl a corpse. You surely know what women want.“

 

Fen'an lifted an eyebrow and smiled. Oh the irony...

 

„Don't pretend like you don't find them interesting.“, the elf defended himself and earned an unimpressed look from his sister.

 

„This is just... so unhygienic. Do you have any idea what kind of illness this thing could spread?“, Lavi said and crunched up her nose in disgust. „Honestly, dear brother. I have no clue what Dorian sees in you.“

 

„I am one of the few Dalish at Skyhold, who doesn't eat larvae for breakfast.“, Fen'an mused laughing. „In barbaric Ferelden this seems to fill his criteria.“

 

„Mhm, that must be it. Your humor for sure doesn't.“, Lavi agreed and Fen'an jokingly hurt put a hand on his chest.

 

„Ow... now you wound me.“

 

The twins continued to joke around like this on their way back home and soon forgot the forbidding atmosphere of Crestwood. Only Fen'ans horse seemed to be nervous but as much as he tried, he just couldn't find out what it was so unhappy about.

 

Back at Skyhold was trouble ahead.

 

Fen'an didn't regret to have asked both the mages and the Templars for help to close the breach, but he regretted to have gathered both parties so close to each other. Since day one there had been arguments and fights between them on a per diem basis. They had lessen after the destruction of Haven but now and again it still happened.

 

The two squabblers were so engrossed in their shouting that even the fact that their Inquisitor himself had entered the courtyard, didn't stop them. Fen'an threw his reins to Lavi and leaped off his horse. Shouting he went between the two men before the fight would escalate.

 

„Will this ever end?“, Lavi asked him when he came back to her. Her brother sighed.

 

„I don't know what I expected would happen, when I recruited both Mages and Templars back then. I'm surprised nothing went off in flames until now to be honest.“, he said and went to take his unusual baggage. Suddenly he stopped and turned around to his sister. „Where is the body?“

 

„What do I know“, she replied and unsaddled her horse. „You wanted it, not me.“

 

„It's gone.“

 

Lavi turned around and shot her brother a questioning look.

 

„What do you mean „It's gone“?“, she asked confused. „It's a corpse, it's not like it got up and left.“

 

Fen'an massaged the bridge of his nose and groaned. He didn't left the corpse infested Crestwood to hunt down a dead man walking around at Skyhold.

 

„We are dead if any of the aristocrats find out about this.“, he said resolutely. „We have to find it before anyone else does.“

 

„Say, Dorian is a necromancer, isn't he?“, Lavi asked after a while and Fen'an tilted his head.

 

„Yes, he is.“, the elf replied and furrowed his brows. „But I don't think he literally did rise the dead, if that's what your implying. He doesn't even know that we are home again.“

 

Lavi shook her head.

 

„No, but maybe he has an idea where the walking dead are tend to hide.“

 

„I'll go and ask him.“

 

„Oh no no no!“, Lavi stopped her brother and poked his chest with her index finger. „You can talk to him after we find your souvenir. Otherwise you won't be of use for the rest of the day.“

 

„Hey, I...“, Fen'an objected but Lavi cut him off.

 

„It's not my fault, that you go all heart eyes when he is around.“, she said. „Go and talk to Cassandra. She is from Nevarra after all. Maybe she knows where to look.“

 

Fen'an tried to defend himself, made a few attempts to say something but realized that his sister was right, so he just went and muttered under his breath instead.

 

He found Cassandra near the tavern, where she sat and read one of Varrics smutty romance novels. At other times he would have teased her about it, but now there were more urgent matters to be dealt with.

 

„Cassandra, may I have a word?“, he asked and saw her jump a little because of the sudden noise. Hurriedly she tried to hide her book and looked up.

 

„Yes, Inquisitor?“

 

„I need your help.“, he said crisply and thought about how he could word his concerns best.

 

„Is it about the fight a few minutes ago?“, Cassandra asked and her face darkened. „The Templars still aren't happy to have the mages next to them and the mages are afraid. Commander Cullen tries his best to calm his Templars but the prejudices are deep rooted.“

 

„Ah no, that's not why I am asking for help.“, he denied quickly. „If there were, theoretically, a dead body walking around at Skyhold... where would it go?“

 

„Inquisitor, what has happened?“, Cassandra demanded to know and looked grimly down to him.

 

„I mean... there maybe is a corpse I could've brought with me from Crestwood, that, theoretically, could've vanished while I was distracted.“, Fen'an said with caution and avoided her gaze.

 

„Theoretically?“

 

„Yes, just a thought...“

 

Cassandra made a disgusted noise and shook her head in disbelieve.

 

„You tell me you brought a dead body from Crestwood that is currently on the run, roaming through Skyhold.“

 

Fen'an scratched his neck uncomfortable.

 

„...Maybe.“

 

The seeker sighed and pressed her hands in her hips.

 

„Well, corpses usually aren't very mobile so it can't get that far away, theoretically“, she said eventually. „It's probably went inside or somewhere dark and cold.“

 

„Thank you, Cassandra.“, Fen'an said and smiled at her apologizing. „Please don't tell anyone, I'll find it before anything will happen.“

 

„I hope so.“, she scoffed and went back to her book.

 

In the meantime Lavi had climbed the stairs up to the library.

 

In an attempt to announce herself she opened her mouth as she walked in, but shrieked instead when suddenly two hands snatched her waist and pulled her around the corner.

 

„Welcome back- you're not the blue-haired elf I expected...“, Dorian noted and his smile dropped when he saw who he was holding in his arms. Lavi blinked confused and slightly in shock.

 

„Yeah... I figured...“, she replied and looked around uncomfortable while Dorian moved back awkwardly. „We must not speak about this. Ever.“

 

„No, this did never happen.“, Dorian approved and leaned against the bookshelf. „What can I do for you?“

 

Lavi remembered the reason she had come up here in the first place and came straight to the point.

 

„You don't happen to know, where one could find a corpse on the run?“, she asked and Dorian lifted a brow in disbelief.

 

„Why?“, he joked. „Did you lose one?“

 

„I didn't but...“

 

„Don't tell me Fen'an did...“, he said and face palmed. „Kaffas, this man truly is full of surprises...“

 

Joining the Inquisition, Dorian had expected adventurous things to happen, but the Inquisitor brought a whole new level to the term „chaotic good“. He shook his had and smiled.

 

„Well, fortunately I haven't seen anyone that wasn't alive these days, but if I were a walking corpse I probably would find me a nice dark place in the cold.“, he said eventually and cringed at the thought of such a creature walking around at Skyhold. Lavi nodded and made a mental note.

 

„Dark and cold, got it.“, she said and left.

 

Her first stop was the wine cellar, which was the easiest to get into. Both daggers ready she sneaked through the dark corridors and found nothing. Disappointed she went back to the main hall, where she almost ran into Fen'an.

 

„Nothing in the wine cellar“, she said and the Inquisitor frowned.

 

„Also nothing in the dungeon.“, he said and cerebrated. „Cassandra said it would be in a cold and dark place... how many cellars do we have?“

 

The twins locked their eyes.

 

„Oh no...“

 

As fast as they could the two headed to the undercroft, where Harrit and Dagna jumped startled when the massive door was opened with a loud crash.

 

„Inquisitor!“, Dagna said happily when she recognized the intruder. „Is everything Alright?“

 

Fen'an scanned the room, but couldn't detect anyone or anything else than the two humans. He sighed disappointed.

 

„Yes, well actually no, but.. never mind.“, the Inquisitor replied. He and Lavi had searched all of Skyhold but found no trace of the body. He started to regret his decision to bring it with him in the first place.

 

„Have you talked to Dennett?“, Harritt suddenly asked and laid down his tools. „He wanted to talk to you about the new dracolisk that arrived yesterday morning.“

 

„Quiet the troublemaker, yes?“, Dagna laughed. „Rumor has it that it prefers dead meat and Dennett has problems to feed it.“

 

Fen'an feared for the worst.

 

„Off to the stables...“, Lavi groaned and pulled her frustrated brother with her up the stairs.

 

Cassandra had been right after all. The walking corpse didn't have come far. The closer the twins came to the stables, the more intense the smell of rotten meat became. In one of the bays stood a bluish-green dracolisk that munched happily on something that looked familiarly like an arm. Dennett was glad that the Inquisitor had been so thoughtful to bring something to eat for the creature but Fen'an silently stood in front of the mount and mourned the loss of his perfectly good corpse.

 

Varric had a good laugh when he found out about what had happened and happily took the opportunity to write down the heroic story of how the Inquisitor bravely saved Skyhold from the walking dead.

 


End file.
